amber rahim

Chronic illness: the parts we don't talk about

Parents, you are good


In the interests of privacy, some of the information is going to be vague.  Hopefully the message will be clear.

The reason I started writing this blog is because it is hard enough being a parent but then throw in a long term or servere illness and then it gets crazy hard.

for example, in my first 2 years as a parent, my priorities were:

  1. keep her alive
  2. keep her out of hospital
  3. don’t turn her into a scaredy cat while trying to do 1 and 2 (who wants to live a life of fear, especially inherited fear from your mum who is freaking out?)

There was not a lot of “parenting” going on, and it certainly wasn’t my focus.  Maybe that is being too harsh on myself.  I just wasn’t thinking about parenting at all.

Was I a bad parent?  No.  I did what I needed to do for the sake of my child.

Recently we found out that someone in my family has a serious illness and now they are in a coma.  We don’t know what the future holds for them and none of us knew that there was anything wrong.

The parents are wonderful parents.  They have other children with illnesses.  Their lives were already crazy hard and now it just got harder.

There is so much I want to say to them and this reminds me of why I started this blog.

As a parent, when looking after a child or children with chronic illness, it’s tough.

Most of the time you are a carer more than a parent.  There are so many other things to take care of, arrange, take into account that it’s a miracle if you just have a normal conversation with your kids.  Just a normal “how are you?” as chit chat and not as a request for a status report on the illness.

So what I want to say to all parents is this:

You are a good parent.

No matter what you have forgotten, no matter what you missed, you are good.

No matter what your kids do, you are good.

No one could be a better parent to your kids than you.  You are perfect for them, just as they are perfect for you.

By being human, by being imperfect, you allow them to be human, to be imperfect.  You are enough, just as you are.  They are enough, just as they are.

Being able to accept yourself as you are is the most important gift that you will ever give them.  By giving it first to yourself, you give it to them with all of your heart and they will receive it.

So be kind to yourself, so that your children will be kind to themselves.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.  Dalai Lama

3 thoughts on “Parents, you are good

  1. Amber. I am crying reading this. It is 7.20 am for me. Thank You. This is incredible and beautiful honey. Will call my sister and read it to her!!

  2. HI Amber…i am proud already to be a parents, and reading your story, it makes me more convident of what i am doing and what i have done. Thank you to share this thought with al of your readers. have a good night….

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