I am writing a book and I am stuck. I want to write about the good, the experiences that keep me going. Yet every time I sit down to write about these, my mind goes blank.
It is so easy to write about the hard stuff, the painful moments.
I know there have been good moments, achievements big and small, moments that make it all worthwhile and still, it’s like I am frozen. Unable to even remember them, let alone describe them. I pick up my pen and nothing. It is like someone presses pause on my remote control and I haven’t seen this film before so I don’t know what comes next.
So I have been looking for inspiration, a way to unlock those good memories. I told myself “don’t force it, allow yourself to wander along memory lane and it will come”. Time has been passing.
Then yesterday my daughter asked me “zullen we een wandeling maken?” Shall we go for a walk?
It was 6:45pm and she goes to bed at 7:30pm. It’s a school night and I should have said no but I didn’t.
We put on our coats, grabbed a torch and went outside.
It was drizzly and we talked about the weather. She thought gloves and a balaclava would be handy considering how cold it was.
She was happy that she had a hood on her coat to pull up and keep her warm and was concerned that I didn’t.
She held my hand to make me feel safe in the dark.
I’m still struggling to find words to describe this good feeling but it was good. Maybe it was the absence of worry. Maybe it was the simplicity. Maybe it was the “being”. We didn’t “do” much, just went around the block. It wasn’t an adventure and it wouldn’t be on any child’s christmas list but we did it together. We were.
We walked, we talked, we held hands. We came home with the satisfaction of a job well done, with a feeling that all was right with the world. And it was.
I’m not going to try and write about it anymore. I just want to enjoy it. Maybe if I let myself just feel for long enough, the words will come.