I just want to preface this post with a statement: the majority of the doctors and health professionals I have met are good. My daughter’s team are fantastic and are one of the main reasons I will never move away from Amsterdam (and maybe they don’t know this but they are not allowed to move house or change jobs either!)
This post is about that rare health care professional who leaves an impact, who just blows you away. But not in a good way. So here’s my story.
The first time that I ever felt defeated it was not because of the demands of the illness, it was because I was face to face with the most idiotic doctor that I have ever met.
At 14 months my daughter had her second operation; to place a PEG feeding tube. A hole is cut through the stomach to the outside and tube is inserted and held in place (by the plastic triangle you see in the picture).
The operation went well and a week later they removed the plaster that was placed underneath the white triangle (I only know what it is called in dutch, plaatje). It all looked good, no infection so we went home.
At home I noticed that her clothes kept on getting wet. At first I thought she had spilled something on herself but two clothes-changes later I realised that she was leaking. It was like a magic trick: her clothes were dry, she drank from her bottle and abracadabra, her T-shirt was wet. I did all the checks: triangle in place, not too loose; clamp was closed; no holes. The PEG was ok but she was leaking directly from her stomach! It is bad enough that her kidneys are leaky but now everything she drank just came straight out again in seconds!
How could we stop her dying from dehydration if nothing stayed in? I know that this cartoon and these words don’t really go together but this illustrates what was happening (and I use humour to deal with almost everything).
I took her to hospital and she was admitted. It was the weekend so we had to wait hours for the gastro specialist to come. (A piece of advice – if you are going to get sick and go to the hospital, don’t do it at the weekend. It’s like a ghost town).
Finally the gastro doctor came to see what this obviously crazy mother (me) was getting her knickers in a twist about.
I explained. She looked at me like I was a moron and told me “they always leak a little bit in the beginning. It’s normal. The hole needs to close a bit and that takes a week or so”.
She wouldn’t listen to me; that is was a flood, not a drip.
She didn’t listen to my explanation about Bartters; that my daughters condition means life threatening dehydration and she can’t afford to “leak” for a week or so.
She patronised me some more and I cried.
She walked away.
I had no words. I had been dismissed as if I was a panicky, neurotic mother who jumped at her own shadow.
We had survived 14 months of various calamities such as septicemia, frighteningly high fevers, gastritis, weeks in intensive care, non stop vomiting and I had stayed positive and pragmatic. Now I felt helpless. I knew that we were going to lose her. Not because of the illness but because of arrogance and stupidity.
I was not going to let this happen!
I called the nurse and asked her to watch. My daughter was sitting up and I gave her a drink. The nurses eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up as my daughters clothes became drenched. She looked at me with apology in her eyes and dashed off.
Investigations were done. It turns out that they had cut the hole too big. We came up with a plan: gauzes, regulate the rate of fluid with the feeding pump, only little sips for my thirsty baby.
It got resolved. It often does. But we need to be more than parents, more than carers. We need to be crusaders, ready to withstand the lashes of disdain and condescension meted out by that special group of arrogant doctors who believe that just because we are parents, we know nothing. It only takes one doctor like that to crush your spirit.
Most of the doctors at our hospital are great (please don’t ever develop your career and move on, stay here for us!) and my daughter was alright in the end.
But I will never forget the day when that doctor almost killed my baby because she was too arrogant to listen and too stupid to see.
So to all you good doctors and nurses out there I want to say thank you for listening. We parents sometimes get in the way, ask a lot of questions, insist that you really do just check that again. It’s our job. Thank you for knowing that part of your job is to let us be heard. We are a major part of the care team.