So if you’ve been following my blog you know that I am the queen of “give it time” and “fight for help”.
Waiting for your child’s health to become stable, for them to start eating, to stop vomiting…. it takes a multidimensional approach and time.
And sometimes, you just need to get in the doctors face and say “enough”. Now you need to listen to me and do something about the vomiting, not eating, etc.
It’s a balancing act and it requires a lot of strength, patience, and fortitude.
Well, it turns out that I’m pretty good at doing that for my daughter, but not so good for myself.
My endometriosis, IBS, and depression got really bad a couple of years ago and I took action. I tackled the IBS which helped the depression (did you know that there is a link between inflammation and depression? Well that’s were my depression was coming from and I changed my diet to reduce inflammation en voila, I felt physically and mentally better).
The diet change for the IBS has also alleviated some of my endometriosis pain. It’s brought it back from constant and excruciating, to just pain most of the time and manageable (manageable for someone whose just so glad not to be in pain everyday).
Which means that for the gynaecologist I saw in Jan, I am no long “sick enough” for them to offer anything other than pain ills and contraception.
Nice. I’m contraindicated for both. Thanks Mr and Mrs Specialist. How is that I understand my illness and medical records better than you?
So I’m currently caught in this other type of balancing act:
If you help yourself, you are no longer sick enough for the doctors to help you
If you don’t help yourself in every way you can, then you are in a lot of pain
How do I find that sweet spot between
being seen as ill enough for the doctors to actually do something
not being in excruciating pain?
LIE. Just lie about it.
That’s another balancing act for people with chronic illness:
Truth versus Honesty
So at my next appointment I’m going to describe how it used to be. Pretend that I still have it. Because endometriosis is a progressive illness, and it creates inflammation in the body.
The truth is, I need help. But honestly, it’s not as bad as it was.
But as I wait, I can feel it getting worse. Both the physical pain and my mental state.
And do you know the worst thing about depression? It robs you of your will to do something to help yourself.
Actually, this is the worst thing: you start to feel worse. You are also quickly losing the capacity to take action and help yourself. You feel the darkness coming and you do nothing.
Well, I’m not doing “nothing”. For starters, I’m writing about it. Writing really helps me to get clear about what’s going on in my head, in my body, in my soul. It’s a way for me to figure out what to do next. So now I know. Lie my pants of and make the doctors help me.