amber rahim

Chronic illness: the parts we don't talk about


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Planting the seeds of confidence

This post is going to be a bit different.  It’s not about chronic illness and it’s not about struggle.  Something happened this week that made me happy and I want to share it.

In my first ever post I talked about my journey to finding my daughter, seeing the child behind the illness.  Ever since, I have been doing something more consciously and deliberately.

I have been acknowledging my daughter.  It’s kind of like a compliment but I don’t praise what she has done, I acknowledge who she is.  It goes something like this:

” You know, you are smart, you figure things out.”

“You are funny and cheeky”.

“You are intelligent”.

“Even when you are scared and nervous, you try new things”.

“You know what you want”.

When I first started doing this I was met with shyness, a shake of the head and often an embarrassed “stop! why are you saying this?”

It seemed too much for her and she got embarrassed.  I think this is something we all do when the attention is turned to us and who we are.  It’s so personal and we are not used to it.

As time went by she starting getting used to me doing this.  Then she started to ask me, shyly, to “do that thing, when you say stuff”.  She would smile, my heart would melt and I would oblige.  I was happy, she was happy.

I have been working a lot lately so this last Sunday when I was helping her get ready for the day I took the opportunity to acknowledge her.  It’s been a while.

I started talking and she started smiling.  Confidently.

The she spoke and blew me away.

“I know” she said.

We both grinned and hugged.

I thought “this is beautiful”.

So I have new definitions of beauty (to add to my collection).  Beauty is someone glowing with the confidence of knowing who they are.  Beauty is the connection created between two people when they share this knowing.

And I know that with a simple acknowledgement, by saying “you are …” you can help build self worth.

Yes of course she gets insecure or disappointed in herself but she also knows that she is smart, funny and brave.