amber rahim

Chronic illness: the parts we don't talk about

I don’t know what this means, but I bet you’ve thought it too


On monday night we were all sitting together at the dinner table chatting.

The girls are fascinated by age and love to play this game “when I’m x, how old will you be?”

J went big on this. “When A is 80, F, you will be 74 and S will be 70”. The kids loved it!

I watched their happy faces and tried to imagine them sitting together having fun, at those ripe old ages.

And I could. Except for F. This little thought fluttered through my head so fast that it was almost imperceptible.

“Will F reach 74?”

I didn’t have this thought about the other two.

Now, you never know what the future will bring and I don’t know what it means, that I can picture S and A in their 70s and 80s but draw a blank when it comes to F.

I don’t even want to try and interpret it.

But I just bet that all of you out there, with kids with a chronic illness, will have that same fluttering thought if you play this game.

You might even have that thought about yourself.

Is life just so much closer to the edge when you are sick?

3 thoughts on “I don’t know what this means, but I bet you’ve thought it too

  1. Amber, I think many parents could relate to this feelings… Even if their children don’t have a chronic illness and for sure if they have. I have similar thoughts constantly and worse (but I have some issues myself so maybe is that). I feel the moment you know they exist in your belly, you can’t stop worrying! I started on August 2, 2010 and I don’t think I will stop 🙂

    • Eleonora, I think you’re right and we all are more aware of the fragility of life when we have kids. I was just a bit shocked when I only had this worry about one child, not the others.
      Maybe we all worry about one kid a little bit more?

      • I think when we are made aware of the fragility of our human nature – through illness, accidents or other issues – we can’t get back to a moment when we weren’t so aware of it.
        My younger sister had a life-threatening accident when she was a toddler and I could see that, even if she was fine and healthy afterwards, everyone thought of her as more fragile than she was.
        I am always aware of this fragility and have to shut down a lot of bad thoughts all the time.
        I imagine having a sick child is really impossible not to have those thoughts.
        We love then so much and we would like to protect them from everything 🙂

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