amber rahim

Chronic illness: the parts we don't talk about

Maybe I don’t get to keep this life


So just recently, I made my friend, who just finished her chemo for great cancer, cry.

And for good measure, I made myself cry too.

You see, we are working on a project together about compassion and hugs. Given our respective painful pasts with illness, we think there is too little in the world and we want there to be more.

She couldn’t see how others would relate to her so I told her what I saw (and yes, the tears are coming again).

She had a life, with her family and friends and then cancer came along, threatening it all. Because cancer can kill. We don’t really say that anymore but it’s true.

Death, that constant companion to us all but who we ignore like that really smelly fart in an elevator (we all know it’s there, it’s unpleasant but we all pretend it doesn’t exist).

A cancer diagnosis brings death back into the picture and we realise

Maybe I don’t get to keep this life that I have.

As much as it brings tears to my eyes to type this, and all of a sudden my nose is really snotty, I need to say this

we don’t know what we are going to have tomorrow. And we can’t do anything about the past. We can only change now. So whether you are doing the laundry, paying bills, or are on holiday

Enjoy it!

Find something you like in the activity you are doing, no matter how small, and focus on that. Grow it and enjoy it.

2 thoughts on “Maybe I don’t get to keep this life

  1. Thank you for this Amber and the harsh reality of how very very true this is.
    From this tremendous depth you have shared you have both helped.
    And I sure am sending tremendous hugs and compassion. This blog reminds me of all the work I am doing every hour of every day to see beauty and satisfaction and gratefulness
    In the ordinary. Illness had been so severe for so long now and our circumstances seem to become even harder but I do strive for what you have written here and will increase this endeavor. My love to you and your friend. Sonja

    • thanks Sonja. Sometimes it’s really hard to let go of the life we HAD and think we should still have, especially when things get harder. it’s good to have friends like you who understand. wishing you some good health and all the meds you need xx

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